(Guest post by Brandon Hull, Lori’s husband.)
Alright, it’s time for a guy to crash this party.
All this talk about trumpette socks, make-up for your photo shoot, and even pumpkin bars? Seriously? Sure, it’s all great for you gals, but what about us guys (or is it “we guys”)?
And…wife, I love you, but that top 10 list of movies? Outside of Band of Brothers, which you are commended for listing, no one blows anything up in the rest of them. No one rises from the ashes to hit a game-winning, lights-exploding home run. There are no hilarious or irreverent one-liners that you can quote for decades to come. And, worst of all, Chevy Chase stars in NONE of them. Not one.
So, listen up, Lori Hull Photography blog readers: a man is now speaking. (I mean that in a good way.)
Let’s throw a bone out to the men who read this blog. And by “men who read this blog”, I mean me. How about a top 10 movie list for guys? What a great place to start! Mind you, these aren’t the greatest top 10 movies according to guys, because a list like that would be subject to change with every movie that comes out in which a guy does something cool or heroic or manly. And there are more, shall we say, harsh guy movies that have been censored from this list, as this is a family show.
Let’s get to the list.
1. Fletch. The quintessential guy movie, at least for guys around 40 years old. If you ARE a guy, 40 years old, and not a fan of this movie, well, Heaven help you. Fletch F. Fletch is a superstar. I want to be him, in some ways.
Official Synopsis: Chevy Chase delivers Oscar-worthy performance as undercover reporter who exposes cops-gone-bad, an insurance scam involving a wealthy private citizen, and discovers the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
Memorable Quote: “Using the whole fist, Doc?”
2. The Natural. The quintessential baseball movie, wherein the actors actually know how to play baseball.
Official Synopsis: Robert Redford authentically plays hero baseball player who gets shot when young, tries to make a comeback past typical baseball prime, is heroic in his comeback, suffers setback during highly distracted phase after meeting — you guessed it, a woman — finds a way to overcome that setback in order to hit lights-exploding home run.
Memorable Quote: “A father makes all the difference.” (Yes, I just started crying.)
3. Gladiator. The quintessential action movie that DOESN’T rely on trite lines from the hero before he detonates a bomb or shoots the bad guy.
Official Synopsis: Russell Crowe plays a loyal Roman general who, doomed for execution when one Caesar dies and his wacko son takes over, narrowly escapes through skilled swordsmanship, hatchet-throwing, and cunning (what guy-hero movie doesn’t involve cunning?), scratches off his tattoo with a rock (man, he’s tough!), is forcibly enlisted into a band of gladiators, who ultimately fight for the entertainment of the masses at some large coliseum that resembles the Los Angeles Raiders’ old stadium, wherein he rallies the band of misfits, wins the crowd, kills the son-turned-Caesar, and then (spoiler alert!) dies.
Memorable Quote: “What we do in life echoes in eternity.” Who says things like that, you ask? Awesome guy-crush-worthy heroes in awesome movies.
4. Shawshank Redemption. Prison-movie. ‘Nuff said.
Official Synopsis: 1940s white guy goes to prison, forms bond with black guy, gains great wisdom despite the ironic context, but also deals with the typical downers of prison life, including you-know-what cliche of what happens in prison, develops plan for breaking out, hears inspiring Italian music that stops everyone in their tracks in the prison yard, ultimately finds redemption.
Memorable Quote: “Get busy living, or get busy dying.”
5. Caddyshack. Yeah, we covered some great movies, but got a bit off-track with too-serious titles. Let’s get back to the truly legendary movies, shall we?
Official Synopsis: Golf tournament occurs. Chevy Chase, Ted Knight, Bill Murray, and others are very funny.
Memorable Quote: “Danny, see your future. Be your future. May, make, make it, make it. Make your future Danny.”
6. Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Pay close attention on this one, nearly every line is a classic.
Official Synopsis: King Arthur goes on a quest for the holy grail. Enlists (there’s a lot of enlisting in guy movies, in case you haven’t noticed) the involvement of a variety of knights, encounters fanciful dangers, is ultimately arrested by modern-day police.
Memorable Quote: “Old woman.” “Man.” “Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there.” “I’m 37.” “What?” “I’m 37, I’m not old.” “Well, I can’t just call you man.” “Well, you could say, ‘Dennis’.” “I didn’t know you were called Dennis.” “Well, you didn’t bother to find out, did you?” I know, I know. It’s comedic genius.
7. Vacation. Why? Uh, because we’re running out of movies to put on the top 10, and yet we only have two other Chevy Chase movies. Total disservice to Chevy.
Official Synopsis: Good-hearted family guy takes family on llloooonnnngggg family vacation to WalleyWorld via Wagon Queen Family Truckster, kills dog by forgetting it’s leashed to the bumper, flirts with 1980s model, swims naked with said model, isn’t thrown out forever by a very forgiving wife for swimming naked with model by telling wife model is “ugly”, gets family to destination, deals with the park being closed in perfect Chevy fashion, everyone’s happy at the end.
Memorable Quote: Well, there’s one I’d love to put down from when the family discovers the park’s closed, but it’s R-rated, so let’s go with this one: “That was a crummy Wyatt Earp dad. He was wearing jogging shoes.” “They used to, Russ.”
8. This is Spinal Tap. We’re seven movies in and I haven’t listed a movie involving music. Shame on me.
Official Synopsis: Aging rock band thinks it has something left in the tank, goes on tour, learns it has less of a following than they used to, opens for puppet show, deals with too-involved girlfriend a la The Beatles and Yoko Ono, ultimately plays a rockin’ concert complete with a miniature Stonehenge…like, really miniature…like 18″ high.
Memorable Quote: “It’s such a fine line between stupid…and clever.”
9. Rocky. In the beginning, Sylvester Stallone created Rocky. Then he turned into an idiot and made 14,000 more of them. What’s that they say about lightning in a bottle? I’m not sure, but I know there’s no Lightning in a Bottle II.
Official Synopsis: Lower-middle-class Italian boxer who’s got a chin like stone finds a way to battle through life’s unfairness to ultimately battle for the heavyweight championship, but despite the seemingly insurmountable odds (spoiler alert!) loses that fight. I know, right? Shouldn’t the underdog win? Not in this one, but that’s not the real story here. It was a moral victory. A moral one. Yeah, guys are layered.
Memorable Quotes: “You’re gonna eat lightnin’ and you’re gonna crap thunder!” (There’s that lightning thing again.)
10. Unforgiven. I saved a cowboy movie for last. Why? Because today’s world lacks cowboys. And they’re quintessential guy characters.
Official Synopsis: Reformed gunslinger called into action one last time to take down corrupt sheriff, rarely speaks during movie except to say important things, partners with wise black guy, in fact same black guy as in movie #4 on this list, ultimately takes down corrupt sheriff in an epic moment of bad-guys-can’t-shoot-straight-from-even-10-feet-away-while-good-guy-kills-them-all.
Memorable Quote: “It’s a hell of a thing, killin’ a man. Take away all he’s got, and all he’s ever gonna have.”
Wrap-Up
Alright, that’s my list.
Where are The Godfather, and The Hangover, and Dirty Harry, and Scarface, and Raging Bull, and Blazing Saddles, and Nacho Libre, and Animal House, and others? They’re safely squared away in others’ annals of great guy movies.
This is just one man’s list. One man who, while he may very well represent all men aged 35-42 who grew up in the Midwest and ended up marrying Lori Hull, is still just one man.
And an important final note: You’ll observe that, with guy movies, it’s crucial to use the words “quintessential” when describing them. Also, you’ll note that all guy movies have one thing going on, but “ultimately” something else happens. Sometimes that “ultimately something else happens” isn’t out of the blue, it’s a build-up. But the key there is the “ultimately”.
So, other guys who’ve stumbled across this post, what would be on YOUR list?
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